It's amazing how quiet it is at 1:30 in the morning when everyone is asleep, the dishwasher has already finished its cycle, and I'm finished listening to the Relevant podcast. Today I found out that the internship position I interviewed for last week has been filled by someone else. My work wasn't commercial enough, and I have too many illustrations... not enough photos (or stock photos, in their case). It's true, their assessment of my work, that is. And, I knew it was true before I interviewed with them. Most of my work is highly illustrative and I tend to do more handwork than editing in Photoshop. The problem is, though, that whenever I work in Photoshop I am less satisfied than when I draw it out by hand or work in Illustrator. Photoshop feels very grungy to me, and I need to learn how to use it more.

I have been thinking about why I was so disappointed when I got the confirmation email today that I won't be interning there this summer, and I don't think it has much to do with me not being able to intern with them. Their work is pretty nominal to slightly good at best, but their complaints about my work are the same complaints I'd have about theirs except in reverse: They only solve their design challenges in one or two ways with little real variety. Their work seems too flashy and filtered to me and although some of it is good, a lot feels very cliche. And, I'm not saying that because I didn't get the internship. I felt that way before I even interviewed with them. The real reason I'm disappointed is because it makes me afraid that I won't be able to get a job next year when I really need one... I've sent my work to five different organizatons in the past couple of months and had face to face interviews with four of those. The only one that really worked out is the place where the people who I'll be working with aren't even graphic designers. It just worries me. Each place had nice things to say about my work, but that wasn't enough to get me the job, even with my "girlish good looks and charming personality." ;) (I stole that last bit from an encouraging letter my boyfriend in high school wrote to me when I went to interview for my first job. Ah, high school.)

I feel good about the summer though. And, I can only live right now in this time and place. I've already lived the past, and the future will crash into me soon enough. One day at a time. That's what people say right? ...

So, today I lived and built a tiny city, photographed it, uploaded it, and started working on a new cover for this book. The city is sitting on my nightstand right now and it makes me smile a lot!

Posted by Heather Grace on Saturday, June 9, 2007 at 1:19 AM | Permalink